Hungover a Line
Hungover a line, to dry the crime
I wring out little droplets of regret
Last night dissolves below me, in the brine
Today flies upward with my darkening head
These sparking thoughts make way from cloud to cloud
In search of what I committed when impaired
A word or two to seed the brawling crowd
Which rained in fists until the taproom bled
You locked me out and I rolled to the shore
Where a jagged kite once pulled us sunward
Sober now, imprisoned in the air
My mind is stretched toward the seaside roar
Where land begins the lightening strikes the surf
When you relent and bring me back to earth
- The rhymes suddenly slacken in the last quatrain, which I like (I think in general poetry teachers ask for looser rhymes for a form like this so it doesn't sound so sing-songy, but I don't see that as necessary in general).
- One link in the last quatrain doesn't scan, which I think adds a nice touch but perhaps it's best not to kill the rhythm there ....
- I challenged myself with extending the metaphor as far as possible despite its shifting meaning (hungover a line might seem like laundry, but then we have clouds, a kite, etc.)
- I avoid end-line punctuation in poetry (do I need it here?)
The round-up is at Becky's Book Reviews.